The art of the 3-part wedding

As with every new day here in Japan, (and should be the case with every new day anywhere) I get to experience something new. These things help me to examine the world in which I have created for myself and how the person I have become fits into the world in which I inhabit. On Sunday, I was invited to a Japanese wedding reception for one of my English teachers at Koga Ichi-ko. I have learned a lot about Japanese weddings since then, but there is still so much I will never fully understand because of the way they are structured.

First, there is the wedding ceremony. From what I have been told, the bride and groom usually wear traditional Japanese kimonos and the ceremony is performed in a shrine. I would imagine that a monk performs the ceremony, but I am not certain. At the wedding ceremony, only immediate family of the bride and groom are invited; there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Following the wedding ceremony is the first reception. This portion is for very close friends and extended family only. There is a meal and speeches are given; the whole event is very carefully planned and the schedule of events is followed to a T. Then comes the second reception for all of the bride and grooms extended friend network; I was invited to the second reception. Generally, there is no family invited to this last portion and it is just about friends and good times. There are some speeches and a bit of formality, but then what is a Japanese anything without formality and and speeches?

When I got there, all the guests were lined up at the door of the restaurant the couple had rented for the occasion. At a Japanese reception, all the guests pay for themselves, so there is always an admission fee. Shortly after 6:30pm, the bride and groom arrived and everyone cheered them in. Once they got there, things really got started and the two emcees kept everyone happy and laughing the whole night. I don't know what relation, if any, these emcees had to the couple, but it felt like I was watching some kind of performance or game show. There were door prizes complete with a raffle drawing and everything, there were formal speeches given by the bride and groom and a lot of bowing. The wedding planner even made a video to show all the guests about the planning of the wedding. After two hours of a show in which every detail was pre-planned, the whole thing ended as quickly as it had begun. There was no lingering, the place just cleared and everyone went their separate ways.

During the reception I did meet some very nice people (I always love meeting new people) and had some nice conversation. They asked about me, where I was from, why I was at the reception. They let me in on little jokes and secrets about the newlyweds (they had all gone to college together). As with most scenarios here, I felt immediately welcomed and thankful I wasn't standing awkwardly in a corner all by myself because. One of the guys I met had wonderful English, and the other girls let me practice my broken Japanese with them. One of the women is moving to New York later this month for her husbands' job and she is pretty nervous. When the reception ended, they bid me adieu and maybe I won't see them again, but I was so happy to have them that night!

In Japan, everything has its allotted time. Everything is planned to the point of exhaustion, and the Japanese can compartmentalize like champs! I like being a spectator in this world and using it to examine against my own.