Wednesday, July 22, 2009

No time to chill

The fact that my time here is limited is annoying. The way people anticipate the ending of a phase causes nothing but stress! It would be so much easier if everything were normal and then all of a sudden, POOF, I just wasn't here any more. As it is right now I am scheduling myself until I have only a few hours sleep every night between dinner dates, and packing, and cleaning...

I always feel guilty for over scheduling or having to say goodbye before my friends are ready, so that I can move on to the next goodbye. I am afraid that my overly packed schedule comes across as aloof and nonchalant to these friends of whom I will miss so dearly. I don't have time to make everyone happy.

In addition to trying to see everyone here in Japan, I don't have time to talk to anyone from home any more either. There is no time to Skype, barely any time to talk through instant messages and getting to the point where I don't get online much at all! And realistically speaking, nothing will calm down once I get home either. I just have to wait out the next few months until my leaving and my arriving is less exciting.

I know that all of this stress just means that people love me - and I truly love all of you as well. And if that is the case, then I will take the stress if it means having good friends that care so much for me. I will miss everyone.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I'm not counting...

...but if I were, today marks the 2 week mark until I am back Stateside. For some of you that is really excellent news, and for others it is really sad. I can feel both sides of this, believe me. First, I am SOOO sorry that I have fallen so behind on my blogging; I can't believe it has been a month. If some of you have stopped checking altogether, I don't blame you. There has been so much going on in the way of parties and last hurrahs in Tokyo and spending as much time as I can with my friends here that I have barely had time to sleep, let alone blog about it all. Luckily I have pictures to document my last few weeks here, and I will try to put those up soon - but it may not happen until I am back in the States.

I really hope to keep up my blogging when I get back home. Writing and documenting this year has given me a really effective outlet to think about what I am experiencing and how these things are impacting my life. When I get home, I will be back in very familiar territory, but I do think that I will still need to put my thoughts somewhere. I cannot wait to be home with my family, but in a way, I am afraid of regressing. I want to keep my independence and my ability to take care of myself. All this worrying is probably in vain (I hope) but at least I am keeping the possibility in mind so as to be extra aware not to let it happen.

Gah, my mind is in a thousand directions right now and I am finding it hard to make a coherent post. Bear with me and I will try to clarify my thoughts throughout the week.