I have a difficult time waiting for what I know to be inevitable. I am in this weird limbo where I know what is in store for me, but I am forced to wait and stew (me alone with my thoughts is dangerous...haha).
There are all kinds of reasons people wait for things; there are due dates (procrastination: a kind of wasted waiting that is perceived as time accelerated, days slipping away), surprises and special events (impatience: a kind of waiting that seems to make time slow almost to a halt), events involving life change (procrastience: an almost surreal perspective of time in which it feels as though you are suspended in time until the end hits and the event is upon you). I think right now I am experiencing the third type of waiting. This procrastience is almost painful when thoughts and surreal time collide. But I have finally gotten through this stomach twisting feeling by beating the procrastination side of things. That To Do list I made, I have been making strides, and more importantly, I have been attending to things left off of the To Do list.
Things like completing a big project (accomplishing the task of unpacking and completely redecorating and cleaning out my room) really can catapult a depressed and nervous mood into something excited and happy. And I sat down and read all of the information regarding my arrival in Japan. Just sifting through all of that material and taking the time to read it has given me a great peace of mind and made my transition experience that much easier mentally and emotionally.
All of this seems so basic and probably deserves a big, "DUH!" but it is so much easier to talk about things and make plans for big projects or tedious tasks than to actually get your butt in gear and DO SOMETHING! As a compulsive planner, I have had to learn (mostly the hard way), that a plan is only as good as the action behind it. Too often I have fallen flat because of my lack of butt gear-age, and then I just end up depressed, stressed, and a pretty unbearable person to be around. So that is something I have been working on, and am actively still working on; I guess it's one of my self-improvement projects. Wish me luck, I will be sifting through my personality and divulging new ways I wish to grow and change!
2 comments:
I'm really proud of you. I know that motivation has always been something you have had to work on, and your preparation for this trip has shown that you are capable of doing a whole lot when you put your mind to it. Keep it up!
on the flip side of butt gear-age let me say that trying to complete an entire list in 2 hrs is also impossible and if not I end up with the same product, stressed and freaking out.
I am still trying for a balance. it's harder than it seems! so I feel ya sister friend! (as the girls say at work LOL)
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