There's no in between

I'm either crazy busy and running around or I am sitting on the couch all day trying to look for a job. My first few weeks home was a whirlwind of traveling and driving and theme parks and reconnecting with friends and family. It was busy and happy and I had no time to sit and think about, "What next?" I kind of liked it that way - I like being busy. Lately it's only been about, "What next?" I've been thinking about this question a lot - and about how to make my savings stretch until that next piece falls into place. Everything is a double-edged sword right now, and with that brings a lot of ups and downs. I'm walking a tightrope with myself to try and figure out what the next big step in my life should be, where it should be, and how I should make it happen. It's a nice thought to think that I am the only one to consider in this decision - but wholly unrealistic.

I think I need a bit of focus - but it's really difficult for me to cut out any options when I am so desperate for a job. Again, double-edged. It's great to talk to my Mom all the time and to so many other people that care about me, but sometimes I just don't want to talk about the job search any more. I don't want the valuable advice I'm being given or the magazines I am being told to read. This is immaturity and stubbornness talking - but it's the truth. Everyone has an opinion about how I should do this and everything thinks I am so capable and qualified, but no one is in the position to just GIVE me the job. Heck, all I really want is to get an interview - I can handle the rest.

I vow to continue applying and taking the suggestions and advice from those around me. I vow to follow-up with the applications I have already submitted and express to these employers that I am for real. I vow to keep trying until something pans out. Mom and Dad, I vow to keep paying all my bills and begin applying for retail and service positions if my savings wears too thin.

Just keep writing, just keep writing, writing, writing

It has been a month since I moved back to my West Virginia home. It has been a hectic month traveling and having wonderful reunions with friends and family. Some of the highlights have been vacationing on the beach, parties up in Boston, quality sister time in New York, and the happiest visit with Chika and Jason in DC. There are so many things to be happy about and thankful for being home.

Sometimes though, I do lose sight of these things. Being home is only hard because Japan is far away - really the same reason being in Japan was hard. **If anyone could invent a working teleportation device, I would give up my first born.**

So what am I doing now? It's a natural question, but comes with a certain amount of stress. Now, I am doing the job search thing - but not as productive with this task as I could be. I have no excuse and I don't intend to think one up. Simply, I am trying my hardest to feel comfortable in my own skin again and comfortable living in the room in which I grew up. I am taking all parts of growing up and being an adult at my own pace. Ultimately, I trust myself and my abilities to find a job and continue on with my life.

In this transition lives many emotions. This is something I was expecting, and not something that I can explain; so I won't try. I will continue to write this blog and share my thoughts and experiences and as much of my emotion as I can with you. Writing has a great healing power in my life, and something that I need to do in order to remain clear-headed.

Have patience with me or don't. Keep reading or don't. Don't expect me to live up to your expectations - I am struggling with my own right now.